Austin city limits

I take a taxi to the bus station and an express to the airport. When I arrive in Austin, Karla is there to greet me with a bright smile and no trace of shyness. I’m delighted. We share a $10.00 hamburger at Trudy’s and head home. The next day Laura and I visit her school where I learn about the Texas Assessment of Knowledge Test (TAKS) ..a measure of student competence for advancement and graduation. They don’t fool around in Texas. In the afternoon we go for a hike along Bull Creek. The water is emerald green and the banks are made of boulders worn smooth, and cut deep in places by the water. I’m reminded of something my zen teacher once said: what’s softest in the world overcomes what’s hardest. We go to the pool for a swim in the evening. The next day we arrive early for the KT concert and watch the show while pressed against the rail in front of the stage. Sweet spot. I don’t remember being this close before. I’m in shock and awe. Stellar performance. KT performs ‘Universe and u’ on piano the way she originally wrote it. Karla enjoyed the show because KT’s songs have a great backbeat. In Dallas the next day, some lucky folks got to see the performance below taped outside the Granada before the show.

Day eight

Karla arrives here right after school ..we go to IHOP then to the mall for tennis shoes. They don’t have my size so I get a pair of sandals instead ..they don’t have the one’s Karla likes ..so we go looking for a store that carries Adidas without the colored stripes. We find them at a Footlocker store ..but then she remembers that Laura told her not to get them until she sees her grades ..which means I can’t get them without undermining Laura’s authority ..so, we take Andy to the park instead. They wait there while I go to physical therapy ..where I put on a pair of goggles so they can track my eye movements while moving my head around ..to see if my eyes get spastic trying to compensate for problems with my inner ear ..(?) (sense of balance). They say I have problems with ‘gaze stabilization’ ..who’d of thought ..this means I can’t even gaze properly. I thought it was my speciality. Back home, I have a smoothie while Karla has broccoli, avocado and cheese with mayonnaise and soy sauce ..I feel light headed so I lay down for awhile ..later we watch Shrek 2 ..which makes me laugh ..and feel better .. so I make some pasta and stay up to watch Wimbledon highlights ..and Jay Leno. Tonight is Karla’s last night here ..tomorrow Laura arrives home after eight days in Mexico ..untangling immigration/adoption problems. I’ll miss Karla’s company ..she’s good natured and delightful to be with.

Day seven

Karla comes home right after school today ..thinking its Friday ..so, she plays with Andy ..cleans Fred’s cage (Aria’s pet rat) ..and I take her skateboarding on the strand. I unhook Andy and let him go running on the beach ..where he runs into Judy and Michael ..who love Andy because they once owned an Airedale too. On our way by the skateboard park, some boys howl at Karla and hide .. she is embarrassed ..she knows them from school and says that they are only doing it because they know it makes her mad. Afterwards, we have Pho and Dover Sole at Little Saigon ..I love the way they prepare the fish ..and I drink fresh coconut out of the shell ..which I haven’t done in a long time ..I don’t know why. I ask a couple of the waiters, who recently emigrated from Vietnam ..if they had problems with Hanoi about coming to the US. They say no ..they are foreign exchange students. I tell Karla that relations between Vietnam and the US must be better. She has no idea what I’m talking about ..or even why I asked the waiters anything. See, she says .. even they say there’s no problem ..and I start thinking: maybe I’m the one who’s out of touch. Later, Karla shows me her interior decorating job ..she corrected a problem with the lighting in the guest bedroom. Now people won’t have to grope in the dark to find a lamp switch. I tell her what an excellent job she did.

Day six

We Drive to Ventura to pick up some more stuff for Karla ..and attend a possible Fourth of July block party ..but there’s no one around ..so we grab the stuff and get out of town. I drive back to Santa Barbara and take a detour through the mountains ..which annoys Karla. Back home, she reads the lyrics while listening to another Grateful Dead CD (Workingman’s Dead ..my favorite). I think she has near perfect pitch ..not because she can follow the Dead ..but because she can match the sound of just about any of the hip-hop singer she hears ..as well as the sound of the blender and coffee grinder. She says she wants to learn the flute ..and play in the high school band. I tell her she’ll be the first hip-hop flute musician. This evening we have soup, broccoli and avocado ..with mayonnaise and soy sauce ..kind of like a California roll without the fish ..afterward, we watch the fireworks from my bedroom window ..even Andy gets up on his hind paws to see. I remind Karla to come home right after summer school on Friday ..so we can have lunch at IHOP ..then go shopping for tennis shoes.

Day five

Summer school and the Boys and Girls club ..Karla is making a pouch for her iPod ..and learning ‘relative clauses’. This evening she reads lyrics while listening to a Jerry Garcia CD called 'Shady Grove' ..which is made up of nineteenth century British and American folk tunes ..sung to guitar and mandolin ..each one tells a story ..some of which she finds funny. I switch to some early Grateful Dead ..and get out a book of lyrics (Box of Rain by Robert Hunter). It’s really not her preference in music ..I know she listens to some pretty classy hip-hop ..people like Chris Brown, Akon and Gwen Stephanie. To her, rock and roll sounds like a party full of loud and obnoxious drunks. That makes me laugh ..but I know what she means. Anyway, she reads along to a few Dead tunes .. says she likes ‘Tennessee Jed’ and ‘Ramblin Rose’ ..and tells me she can hear the similarity between Celtic music and Bluegrass ..and Bluegrass and Grateful Dead (Jerry Garcia started out playing bluegrass in a jug band) ..I feel proud ..we eat leftover chicken and salad for dinner.

Day four

Karla leaves for summer school at 8 am ..from there she goes to the Boys and Girls club until 5 pm ..meanwhile I play with Andy ..discuss the creek situation with Raul ..plan my day ..my week ..and my month (don’t know why, everything after this moment is a crapshoot anyway) ..I catch up on my ‘book-keeping’ ..which means paying bills that are either due ..or past-due ..I pick up Karla ..and we go to the post office ..tri-county produce ..trader joes ..and scolaris ..we stock up on sparkling apple cider ..avocados ..brie cheese ..crackers ..oreos ..ice cream ..cup of noodle soup (I hope Laura isn’t reading this) ..and carrots and broccoli (just in case she is) ..but couldn’t find any fresh papaya or mangoes ..we have baked chicken and one of my masterpiece salads for dinner.

Day three

I sleep late ..Karla has been up since 7 am watching cartoons ..we go for bagels and cream cheese on Milpas ..then skateboarding and walking on the strand with Andy. We swing by the skateboard park ..but Sean isn’t there ..he’s a surfer dude with long blond hair who sits next to Karla in one of her classes ..there is plenty of sunshine though ..and crowds everywhere ..big pelican convention going on in the tide pools ..and tourists galore ..there’s a van in the parking lot drawing a lot of attention ..it’s plastered, inside and out, with every imaginable icon of American culture ..from the fifties to the present ..in pictures ..figurines ..dolls ..and various assundry paraphernalia ..real kitsch. A picture of Timothy Leary immediately pops out at me ..Karla recognizes Sponge Bob .. Justin Timberlake ..John Lennon ..the cast of Star Wars ..Taz ..and Barbie ..or is that Marylyn Monroe ..Karla says it’s Madonna ..we sit and vegetate at the end of the pier for a while ..then go to Nature Cafe for avocado sandwiches and smoothies ..and another humongous So Cal day slips away.

Day two

Today Karla and I went to Ventura to pick up Karla’s clothes ..Laura was in such a hurry to leave that they forgot those ..I didn’t mind ..I chatted with a Gary, an attorney friend, for nearly two hours ..mostly about the reasons why marijuana laws are still on the books ..turns out Uncle John had it absolutely right (you can see his comments here ~> Drug warp) ..Gary also tells me to ‘follow the money’ ..it goes to law enforcement ..prisons ..juvie ..prosecutors .. judges ..narcotics officers ..and keeps the whole ball rolling. He tells me about a client of his, who is allowed to possess a small amount of marijuana for medical reasons ..but tried to trade some of it, to an undercover officer, for equipment to start a hydroponic garden ..and grow like about a thousand plants. Gary tells me the legal limit is closer to 50 plants. Then I’m like, oh shit ..I forgot about Karla ..who is lying on the sofa right behind me ..quietly watching the Disney channel on TV. Driving back, she tells me how funny it was watching the way I pace when I talk ..I try to tell her that I didn’t want to sit down because then we would have been there forever ..but I realize, for her ..we were there forever. We stop at IHOP for lunch. Back at the house, she rides her bike while taking Andy for a walk. I have no memory of what we had for dinner that night.

Day one

Karla arrived today ..she is staying with me for a week while Laura travels to Mexico to sort out some adoption/immigration problems. Karla is in summer school studying English at Santa Barbara High. Today’s homework assignment is ‘independent clauses and coordinating conjunctions’ ..which, anyone who reads my writing knows ..I tend to avoid in favor of run-on sentences with little coordination. However, I try to be good so Karla doesn’t pick up any of my bad habits ..although, I don’t understand why they’re using ‘for’ instead of ‘because’ ..I mean, who ever says “She can’t come out ‘for’ she is sleeping” ..? but then again, I’m biased toward writing the way people speak instead of the other way around ..and since Karla is learning how to speak English for the first time ..I’d rather dey be teachin’er da’spokin’ English ..but Karla just looks at me patiently and says ..that’s high point level 5 ..and I look back at her and go ..are you talking about a star wars episode ..? After she has endured a few more confusing exchanges like that ..we go to Little Saigon for pho and seafood ..I’m talking about a SB restaurant ..not the OC community ..a distinction which is also lost on Karla, who is only 13 years old ..from Monterrey Mexico ..and I look at her mercifully .. ‘for’ the poor soul is facing a week-long deluge of inconsequential matter ..made up by a generation that might as well have existed a thousand years ago.

This evening we watched 'Kill Bill 1' ..and saw lots 'n lots'a blood.

School's out

Friday was the last day of school for my niece Karla ..7th grade ..she came by afterward all excited ..not so much about the last day of school ..but about registering for summer school ..(?) ..go figure ..I suspect it’s because the classes she wants to take are being held at the high school ..which is big time for her, I’m sure. Anyway, she ran off to register (I live nearby) ..and returned half an hour later in a major bummer ..someone at the office told her that they don’t accept 7th graders. I was surprised because it was her junior high Principal that recommended she go there ..even filled out the application for her. So, we tried calling both the junior high, and high school to understand this disconnect ..but everyone was at graduation ceremonies. So, a short time later, we go down to see the junior high Principal ..but the office was already closed for the weekend. I told Karla to stay cool, we’ll be there first thing Monday morning ..I said: “If your Principal told you to register ..you will be registered.”

That afternoon, Karla, Andy and I went to the shore where Karla rode her skateboard and saw some of her friends at the skateboard park ..Andy got in a fight ..[that left puncture wounds we had to treat later] ..I chatted with some out-of-towners who were here to attend one graduation or another [there are actually nine colleges in town] ..someone told me they couldn’t believe all the police they saw handing out tickets for things like skateboarding, rollerblading and leash law violations ..sounded strange ..but I put Andy’s leash back on anyway. Police around here usually aren’t that petty. I know this is graduation time and everything ..but, c’mon, skateboarding on the strand ..(?) I asked the first cop I saw and he explained that they only ticket people who are blatantly drunk and causing a disturbance ..but then added, please don’t ask me if you can take your dog off his leash ..‘cuz then I’ll have to say no (wink, wink) ..now that’s more like the way I’m used to seeing things done around here.

Sunday afternoon Karla arrived at the house with her belongings so we could be at the Principal’s office first thing the next day. That evening I opened the gates to the county bowl (an outdoor theater) so she could go skateboarding. That night we watched ‘Shrek’ on DVD.

Monday morning we arrived at the junior high Principal’s office at 7 am ..only to find a sign that said the office will be closed until 10 am ..we went back home where Karla slept and I played ball with Andy ..at 10 am we went back and found a Counselor who told us to see ‘Marcie’ at the high school ..he even called ahead ..shouldn’t be a problem, he said. When we got there, the girl behind the desk told us that Marcie was in a meeting and wouldn’t be out until noon ..but there was really no reason to come back because the high school doesn’t allow 7th graders. We returned at noon anyway ..and I asked to see Marcie again. The girl behind the desk asked if we had an appointment ..I said no, but indicated I would like to make one ..to which she replied: “Sorry, no appointments during summertime” “Isn’t that a catch 22 ” I asked “Huh ..?” she replied. Never mind, we’ll just sit down over here and wait. Go ahead, she said ..but I don’t think you’ll catch her ..it’s lunchtime you know. I asked if Marcie was in her office now. “Mmm, I don’t know ..why don’t you just have a seat”. No problem ..this is also kinda’ the way I’m used to seeing things done around here. Two minutes later Marcie comes out ..she knows exactly what we’re here for and says: “Karla, you’re enrolled ..classes begin Wednesday morning at 8 am in room 101” ..Karla was a happy camper ..which made me feel glad.

Echo

According to Greek mythology, whenever we hear an echo ..it is the spirit of a woodland nymph named Echo calling back to us. When Echo was alive, the Greek goddess Hera cast a spell on her for committing the crime of talking too much. Her punishment ..she could no longer speak for herself ..instead, she could only repeat the last two words that someone else said. I had not heard this story before ..not until the other day when my niece Karla read it aloud for me. I thought it demonstrated the value of being a good listener ..so, I told Karla it was a good story and that I liked it very much. Today her mother tells me that she is having trouble convincing Karla where echoes really come from. Sound waves bouncing back. It has become like a major battle. Apparently Karla is having difficulty believing the real reason for echoes because she got the story version, first, out of a ‘text book’. I had no idea that I had reinforced this misconception. The story goes on to describe the character Narcissus ..where we get the term narcissism ..because he could only hear his own words repeated back to him by Echo. I’m just afraid that someday we are going to have to explain to Karla the psychiatric term ‘narcissistic personality’ by referring to the same myth that we are trying to explode today.

Note: Lisa Marie Nowak, the astronaut who drove cross country to whack her love rival last February, was diagnosed with a ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. My opinion about that can be found here ~~>Personality disorder

Demolition man

My laptop went hurtling through space the other day ..then came crashing down on the living room floor ..the result of a high speed chase to the front door ...with my legs still tangled in the power cord. It works OK ..only now the monitor displays all the colors of the rainbow. So, I borrow Karla’s flat screen monitor to use until I get a new laptop ..but it looks so cool, I put it upstairs with my desktop PC instead. ..and the laptop, along with that big old desktop monitor, goes out into the garage .. and I’m sure Karla is sitting here wondering if she’ll ever get to download songs on her iPod ..burn CD’s ..or log on to MySpace again. Since then, my home theater system crashed ..my multi-media PC speakers burned ..and I’m starting to experience withdrawal symptoms from not getting a regular supply of auditory stimulation. I make a frantic run to all the electronic stores ..circuit city .. compUSA ..frys ..and radio shack. I go online to the manufacturer (Hercules) ..then amazon ..eBay ..even someplace called DJsupply. I learn that it makes no sense to try and repair anything ..but, replacing them with something that I think I can hook together seems fraught with confusion and despair ..time is running out ...and I'm beginning to feel hopelessly strung-out. I call my friend Dave, who has a small, store-front consulting service for people building high-end, computer gaming systems ..I never thought I would have to go to this extreme. When I say store ..I mean a bunch of closets crammed full of shiny silver boxes with work orders attached. He tells me to come by ..he may be able to do something for me. After sitting there and patiently listening to me jabber on for like twenty minutes ..he pulls, from out of nowhere, a set of multi-media speakers that sound killer ..next he shows me a notebook PC with high definition monitor ..DVD and CD burners ..built-in wireless networking ..a zillion and a half gigabytes of everything ..Bose speakers ..and while I’m sitting there salivating like Pavlov’s dog ..he says he’ll throw in a 22 inch flat screen monitor by View Sonic ..for Karla ..and I’m thinking, does Karla really have to know about this ..?

Power surge

I feel a surge of energy running through my nerve cells ..disrupting my attention ..making it hard to read the paper .. or think clearly ..or focus on what I want to do next. Should I call and invite Laura and Karla to watch the Oscar’s tonight ..? Oh, that wouldn’t interest a thirteen year old, she’d probably rather watch a video. Besides, I’m still fighting a head-cold. I prepare a cup of tea ..and instead of sipping it ..I gulp it down. I vigorously clean the table ..and decide not to push it any further ..I put on music from the ‘Sylvia’ soundtrack ..light a candle ..sit down and try to sustain a coherent train of thought ..no luck ..they just scatter like rabbits. I feel anxious ..but can’t see the reason ..just had a good night’s sleep ..even woke up feeling cheerful after a dream I can’t remember ..although if I try hard, I get a faint image of myself, sitting on the bluffs with my friend Jack ..and he’s like ..why aren’t we in the water yet..? Maybe we all suffer bouts of attention deficit from time to time ..keeps us from getting into a rut ..and helps us explore the one-thousand-and-one things around us ..without hesitation.

Passing thoughts

Out here on the deck there’s cool air and sunshine ..I feel the buzz and hum of a passing day ..just like any other day. Across the creek a gardener washes out his pail ..it makes a loud splash ..at the same time, inside the house, my stereo makes a loud pop and goes quiet ..not the gardeners fault I hear myself say ..why did I say that ..? Because, for a fraction of an instant, the two sounds came together in my head ..and actually got connected in a causal relationship ..until the absurdity of it strikes me the next instant ..I think it’s the nature of my mind to briefly consider all possibilities before eliminating the unlikely and absurd. Now I hear kids playing in the parkway ..I can’t see them but I hear the sound of skateboards going clack clack clack ..and someone shouting ‘I can do it ..I can do it ..’ I immediately connect the sound with my concept of ‘play’ ..with no consequence other that to aid childhood development. Now I remember hiking with Karla and Andy yesterday ..and I’m thinking about Karla’s education ..and Andy’s instincts. Andy doesn’t have to learn fractions ..and Karla doesn’t automatically track birds ..but I try to relate fractions to something Karla almost instinctively knows ..like quartering cows at the butcher’s shop. A grizzly image, I agree ..even more so when I consider how much her mother enjoyed just watching cows graze ..and how Karla collects everything cow-like. Yesterday was her mother’s birthday ..Valentines day ..she would have been 38 years old if a car hadn’t crashed into her in Monterrey, Mexico ..several years ago.

Cold mountain journal

Arctic air blows over my deck ..making my fingers stiff and hard to write with. South of here, by the Mexican border, where it’s warmer, we're building fences. Shouldn't we be building bridges ..? I mean, Eastern philosophers say that connection is more natural than separation ..and I believe it. The wisdom of a group is greater than the sum of the individuals ..when information is free ..collaboration is key ..synergy and integration is what’s called for. My heart is stuck in a sad state these days ..it’ll pass, I know ..I think too many rude shocks and let-downs put it there ..no one really cares ..I know people have worries that are worse than mine. Rooftops, treetops and mountaintops ..math tests, beach walks, sandy feet, and salty air are just some of the things that we share ..I’m not putting fences there. Another blast of cold air ..another frozen stare ..I breath in and smile ..hold it and dissolve ..breath out and let go of the debris ..sit still and start over again. Karla says rock n roll sounds like people screaming ..hip-hop has a smoother flow ..kind of like rhythm n blues ..folk rock tells fairy tales ..fairy tales contain pieces of the heart that rational thought leaves out.

Karla’s birthday

I pick Karla up after school for our usual assault on the beach. I’m about to tell her to invite friends ..since it’s her birthday ..when she remembers that she already has an invitation to go to a party. It’s Fernanda’s birthday too. Nellie is going .. however, Nellie’s twin sister, Maggie, isn’t coming because she’d rather go shopping with her mother. So I take Karla and Nellie to the party ..then launch my own assault on the beach with Andy, my dog. I watch him chase birds up and down the shore ..see pelicans dive bomb for fish ..listen to a guy named ‘Tim’ tell me how his girlfriend threw him out of the house because members of their church didn’t like his tattoos. I go for a swim then drive back to Laura’s house. Laura is home from work now so we go pick up Karla ..and get a call from Nellie’s mother asking where Maggie is. Laura tells her that we don’t know because I only drove Nellie to the party ..then tells me she’s probably with her boyfriend. We go have a ‘birthday dinner’ at the Vietnamese restaurant ..pho with shrimp and fish. I listen to Karla explain the message behind the movie ‘Before and After’ ..so now I’m anxious to see it. She also wrote down the plot of a movie called ‘Fairy Tale’ ..in case I wanted to use it for one of my goth fairy stories. How thoughtful she is. She's thirteen today.

Mi Ahijada

Last night we put Tia Laurita on a bus to ‘Tia Juana’ (Tijuana, Mexico) for an appointment with the adoption agency. Afterwards, mi Ahijada (my Goddaughter) Karla and I went back to the house and I helped her with her algebra homework. They begin in the seventh grade here, however, she tells me that in Mexico they actually start in the sixth grade .. but what’s really amazing is that I can still do any algebra at all ..! I tried to make it a game of ‘grouping like variables’ before ‘simplifying an expression’ ..I told her there’s less likely to be any ‘stragglers’ that way. For breakfast this morning, I served my usual english muffins with peanut butter and banana. Karla rolled hers and ate it like a tortilla. Next she went into the bathroom and pulled her long hair back into pigtails ..using fresh lemon instead of gel in the front to straighten and hold it in place. Really shows her pretty face. She tells me that she does this every morning before school. That’s why they call her ‘BIG tails’.

Sunday with Laura and Karla

Laura and I have brunch at IHOP where she tells me about her adventure bringing Karla into the United States from Mexico. The other diners probably think we’re trafficking in narcotics ..or people. Later on, we pick up Karla at her friend’s house ..put Andy in the back of the truck and go watch the sunset on the beach. Andy buries his squeaky toy in the sand but Karla finds it. In the evening, we fill up on pho at the local Vietnamese restaurant and I think to myself that Karla was born in another country, eighteen years after the war ..so Vietnam cannot possibly have the same meaning for her as it does for me ..and I tell myself that there is probably no reason it should ..other than as a passage in a history book.

Mi Ahijada

While I was married, my wife Laura and I would travel to Mexico and visit her family. On one of these trips, we baptized her niece Karla, the daughter of her sister Evelyn –becoming the child’s Godparents. In Mexico, that makes you the adoptive parents in case anything happens. Karla was six years old then. Laura and I split up four years ago ..and we haven’t seen each other since. Well, that changed last Friday while I was walking home from the market. A gray truck pulls up with a little girl waving at me from the passenger window. I walk over to see if they needed any help when I realize that Laura is driving and the little girl is Karla – mi Ahijada! Her mother Evelyn was killed in an auto accident ..and no one knows much about the father. Karla wanted to see her Padrino (Godfather). We hugged and kissed. I was in shock. Their story brought me to tears. Karla now lives with Laura in Ventura, California. Her 12th birthday is three days away and I’m wondering what to get her.