Cosmic zone

Dawn is breaking on the continent of Capella. Overhead, the star of Davriel is still visible in a purplish blue sky. A meteorite trail flashes by. Sallareä bows her head in homage to all she does not know. She’s unaware that, momentarily, what she does not know will be paying homage back. Flickering particles of crystal enter a sector of Sallareä’s narrative-space. Passing through the prism of her senses, an apparition emerges. Sallareä sees a constellation of linked images that, to her, resembles a mandala. It has a message. Whoever this presence may be is telling her that everything is OK and would like to know if they can join her narrative-space and play.

Psychotic episode no. 133

I walk home from State Street sometime after midnight, counting the blocks as I go. I unlock the door, climb the stairs and slowly walk down the hall. The hallway turns into an underground tunnel where menacing-looking apparitions reach out to grab me from between the bars of their cells. I walk as close to the middle of the hall as I can. Events of the evening dissolve ..the crowd at Sohos dissolves.. my bedroom door looms up and I push it open with my shoulder. Books have always been a source of refuge for me, so I pick one off the shelf and fall into bed. I turn the page, the room dissolves ..and the letters rise up like pillars. Somewhere a voice whispers “if it’s refuge you’re after ..you’re in the wrong place ..there’s nowhere to hide ..people will only make up what they can’t see anyhow.” Now the letters are forming words ..and the words, like thoughts, are circling my head ..mockingly ..pronouncing judgment .. like a booming voice, from a higher authority, coming down from the sky.

Alien discourse

On a ridge top overlooking Los Angeles, a team of alien cryptographers are busy deciphering messages encoded in streams of light that circulate the city at night. I try explaining how those are like transport vessels, indirectly responsible for carrying genetic information from one generation to the next ..and thinking how ‘evolved’ that must’ve sounded. They look at me with undecipherable expressions and I feel deflated ..like they saw right through that attempt at impression-formation. I hear them say it would take as many as four planets to sustain the level of eco-plundering they see. I imagine how threatened they must feel ..like we’re inter-planetary-expansionists or something. I try to explain that we’re really not like that ..we make progress more by stumbling around than by calculation. Another round of indecipherable expressions and I suddenly feel like I just admitted to whatever it was I was trying to deny. I try backing-up to start over again when I realize how pointless that would be ..they communicate telepathically. My thoughts are clearer to them than what I say ..same as my doubts and fears. They don’t need invasive devices to probe my brain ..they’ve got a system of highly evolved sensors doing that.

Starship log

It was wet and spongy ..the way something looks after it’s sucked up more than it can hold. I put it in my bio-collection pouch and continued scanning the dry riverbed ..looking for whatever else may have spilled from a collision, earlier today, between asteroid X-18004 ..and an intergalactic bio-waste transporter ..just above a wasteland called ‘San Bernardino’ on a backwater planet named ‘Earth’. By the time I got back on board ship ..the specimen had grown noticeably larger ..the Biotech Crew eliminated the possibility that it came from the accident ..and concluded that it must be native to the planet ..we debated what we should do ..incinerate it ..or study it ..after tossing a coin ..we began attaching electrodes to fibers at the receptor sites ..and when we delivered linguistic signals, culled from radio waves native to the area ..it responded!! Resonating ..deliberating ..then sequencing elements found in storage containers scattered throughout the periphery ..a pattern recognition system was quickly deployed and the sequence scanned. It read: “Are we in Tennessee ..Jed ?”

Night sky

Alien messengers have taken control of my neurotransmitters ~ and replaced them with voices of their own ~ they’re guiding me outside ~ and directing my attention to the night sky ~ around the constellation Vulpecula ~ light waves begin to arrive ~ inviting me to the wedding of the Princess Angelii ~ which should take place a billion years from now ~ around the time that I arrive ~ there will be drummers ~ dancers ~ and revelry ~ by then life on the planet will have progressed that far ~ baring any unforeseen shift in stellar events ~ so, hope you can attend ~ my friend.

Split level head

I’m so happy I live in a split-level head ..there are so many rooms ..I don’t have to go anywhere ..I can do all my traveling from home. I run up the stairs ..where the police are ready to beat me because of my ongoing problems with authority. I run up the stairs and there’s an attorney waiting to brief me ..but I resist because I don’t trust anyone who’s trying to convince me. I run up the stairs where there’s a room full of women ..and a table full of daggers. I run up the stairs where my business partner shoots me. I run up the stairs and find an empty room ..feels kinda’ lonely in here. I run up the stairs into a room full of books ..I browse the shelves until I find one that says I’m better off living by myself. I curse the fact that I can’t talk to my father ..until I find the page that says that he has trouble talking to me too ..which makes me feel like an oddball ..until further down I read that maybe he’s an oddball too ..I feel grateful for the realization that there are two sides to that story ..and hope it’s not because I’m a paranoid schizo. I worry about the up-coming apocalypse ..then realize I have no religious basis to think one might ever happen. I curse the wind and rain ..but even the sunshine brings me pain. I worry about my cholesterol ..and drive 95 mph down the hall. I am a man of constant contradiction ..wait long enough and I’ll tell you the opposite. I’m so happy I live in a split-level head

Space cadet

Have you seen the stars tonight ..they remind me that we live on a lunar colony ..and not the oppressed state of some god forsaken planet. The colonies are not safe from tyranny either, I remind her .. the ones on Saturn were once free-states. I know, she says ..that’s why I like it here ..hydroponic gardens and you can practice revelry without persecution ..you know, I don’t even miss home that much. Where’s home ? In the Euripides. Oh yeah, I see what you mean ..I remember the witch hunts of November, 2023 .. are you ever afraid of something like that happening here ? All the time, she says. If it does ..I think I’ll stowaway on a starship to Europa ..I hear they’re much more civilized there ..it’s an incubator of free ideas ..and the mother of all creatures ..they live in the lapis lazuli realm, you know ..not just the temporary worlds of hungry ghosts and empire builders ..the waters of life have been flowing freely on Europa ..since the beginning ..and I think they will keep on flowing free thru eternity.

Epilogue

        American Gothic

I love the new Evanescence CD ..! I mentioned this to my neighbor Anastasia the other day and she told me that the reason I like them so much is because they are ‘mainstream’. I figure she ought to know ..her husband is the lead singer for a Goth metal band ..and they are definitely not mainstream .. or commercially successful. Anyway, it confirms my suspicion that the Goth subculture is growing. They are stepping out of their ‘niche market’ and laying siege to the rest of our psyche ..the parts that bring us places like Never Land and the Enchanted Forest. They are no longer content to dwell in the mosh pits or heavy metal shows in places like Sacramento or Modesto ..now they can be found in every major port and industrial city in the world. I remember someone saying: “..I can see the future of rock and roll ..and it is Bruce Springsteen.” Yeah ..? Well, they better look again ..I’m beginning to think it’s Ozzy Osbourne.

Chapter six

        I l l u m i n a t i o n

The Goth Fairy culture inhabits a world much darker than the rest of us ..however, they know how to illuminate these realms from within. For them, the outer world is a passing illusion ..it only seems real when we catch a glimpse of it and freeze the action. Life is never really motionless though ..only the mind makes it seem so. Fairy Goth children learn how to master the inner world before they learn to deal with the outer world. At an early age, they study metaphysics and cosmology. By the time they are ten, they are practicing mental telepathy and mystic transport. Their minds are tuned to waves of energy that children in other cultures have had pruned away. I sat down recently and spoke with the Fairy Goth Princess ..a remarkable young lady, in her teens, who is heiress to the throne. Unlike other children who learn their mystical skills through instruction and books ..she acquired her abilities by direct experience. She explains: “I can still hear the echoes from facing the walls of the abyss for ten years. I learned how to escape those barriers by following a trail that lead directly to my mind ..where I found a portal that allowed me join the other children playing in the fields. Now, when a child is lost or in trouble ..I can hear their pleas for help and telepathically guide them to safety. You see, we are all connected to one another through mental ‘receiving stations’ .. each member immediately shares the experiences of all the other members.” The Fairy Goth Princess explains how books, as good as they may be ..can sometimes get in the way of mystical experience: “Conflicting opinions muddy the water. The only way to see things clearly is by calming the mind and allowing the mud to settle.” She goes on to say: “No matter how much information you get from books ..whatever knowledge or supernatural power you may acquire ..when quarrels arise ..you have lost the way to illumination.”

See ~~> Epilogue

Chapter five

      Pathway to illumination

The Fairy Princess scales the steep canyon walls of the disenchanted forest. Along the way, her boots get wet and soggy and her legs ache. She climbs over obstacles using her hands, feet and fingernails. On the slopes of Mount Breakdown she feels a tingling sensation ..bright lights shimmer in her head ..and clusters of sadness fall away. She looks down and pays tribute to the clouds in the valley below. Members of the Goth Fairy Kingdom have a profound reverence for dark places like gorges, caves and grottos. It’s not just a fashion statement or superstitious behavior ..they actually believe that darkness is the mother of all things ..the womb where life begins. She feels exhausted but in tune with the rhythm. She knows that hard times naturally give way to good times ..like a light that shines in a dark place ..they’re co-relative. One doesn’t exist without the other.  Continue here ~~> Chapter six

Chapter four

W o n d e r l a n d

The fairy princess runs with the other children through the grassy hillsides of the disenchanted forest. She shows them how to spin around and around until the sky and ground trade places ..and they fall down laughing. They pick capers for their mother’s goat’s head soup ..run with dandelions petals streaming behind them ..catch tadpoles and have muck fights in the swamp ..she tells them not to drink the mung water ..or eat the purple berries. She tries to ward off words of hostility and protect them from self-loathing. She wants them to remember that, for a bright shining moment, there was a wonderland called childhood.

Continues here ~~> Chapter five

Chapter three

          R e t u r n  of  the  P r i n c e s s

The fairy princess walks through the disenchanted forest on her way back to a home that she has not seen in over ten years ..not since the tender age of six ..when she was thrown into the abyss. She passes by the sulfur ponds where the goth fairies fish ..and around the slough, where they grow toadstools for their brew. A talking mynah byrd sees her coming and flies ahead to alert her parents ..the new village leaders. A buzz spreads quickly through the community. Everyone dresses up in their best leather ..with emerald green and blood red crucifixes ..looking like stained glass you would see in a church. The petite princess suddenly sees this enormous procession coming over the hill ..chanting a song called ‘my immortal’ in multi-part harmony. It sounds ethereal. As they swarm around her, she feels terrified ..not knowing what to do or say .. she just lets her body sway to the sound of the singing. This gesture sends the fairies into a frenzy ..cheering and laughing wildly. They envelope her fighting for hugs and kisses and lead her down the hill to a waiting reception. She takes a seat at the head of a banquet table lit by torches and decorated with black roses, poppies and amyl nitrates. To celebrate ..they pit-roast giant boar ..drink elderberry wine and hold a rave in her honor. Everyone gathers around to hear her story. The wicked stepsisters disappear and are never seen nor heard in the disenchanted forest again.    Continue here ~~> Chapter four

Chapter two

        The road home

The fairy princess turns sixteen and goes: “This abyss sucks!” She decides it’s time to find a way out and rejoin the world. She goes to a place where she remembers seeing explorers rappel down a vertical shaft ..but it’s too steep. She goes to a place where an underground stream comes to the surface .. gathers speed ..then disappears. She remembers watching the explorers disappear there too. She decides to swim the underground river to daylight. She slides in and lets the current take her away ..shooting her through a tube worn smooth by the water ..then out an opening where she freefalls into a large pool of water. It’s still dark but she realizes she’s outside when she looks up and sees stars. She swims to the side and walks barefoot on the road into town. Figuring it’s time for a change ..she goes into a vintage clothing store and finds something more stylish. Out on the street she asks for directions to the disenchanted forest. One guy tells her she’s crazy ..another guy tells her to take bus number 47 ..the blue line. It lets her off at a gate in front of the forest ..where she enters ..walks down a thousand ancient steps ..and sits down by the side of a path waiting for someone to pass by and help her find her way home ..her skin still glowing like a neon light. Continue here ~~>  Chapter three

Chapter one

There was once a fairy princess who was so small that hardly anybody noticed her at all. At the tender young age of six, her wicked stepsisters threw her into an abyss ..and left her there for good. She wanders the tunnels and corridors for years with no one to talk to except her own inner voices. She grows up to be a melancholy waif ..playing by herself among the rocks and pools. Her skin grows pale and translucent. Her hair grows fiery red ..to help her see in the dark. Her ears grow accustomed to hearing the faintest vibrations ..and her eyes become sensitive to the subtlest variation in light. She learns to speak her own dialect of Elfin. One day she finds a path that leads inward toward the gardens of her mind ..where she can run through fields of lilies ..join hands with other children and dance around and around in circles until she falls down laughing. When she gets tired, she lays her head in her mother’s lap and sleeps. She occasionally hears other people roaming through the tunnels. She does not welcome their attention so she dissolves into mist ..gets inhaled with the air ..and travels through their blood stream ..floating in a blood cell. That’s where she discovers the wisdom of the body. Somehow she also learns the language of love.

Continue here ~~> Chapter two

Introduction

The Goth-fairy subculture is growing fast ..and they are no longer content to dwell in the realm of our imagination ..they are stepping out and committing vicious attacks in other parts of our psyche ..the parts we like to cherish and preserve ..the places where kittens in the grass, or rabbits in the field come from. When these attacks occur the things we cherish begin to disappear ..more than likely in a pot of stew .. along with the squirrel .. fox ..turtle ..and the dove. Mothers ..please tell your children not to be fooled by these new members of the fairy world ..they are not like Tinker bell or any one else you'll ever meet in Never Land. They have fallen very very far from the Pixie tree. They are more likely to be found in the backstreets and alleyways of the dis-enchanted forest ..or at the mosh pits of heavy metal shows in places like Sacramento or Modesto. Instead of sprinkling you with Pixie dust ..they are more likely to stone you with angel dust.

Fairytale begins here ~~> Chapter one

Paranoid delusions

I get no sleep ..I tank up on coffee, ginseng and a whole assortment of herbal remedies but still end up feeling weary for the rest of the day. I call you on the telephone but get dismissed. That was a blow ..I try to think ..what did I do to deserve that ..did I forget to comment on your pretty outfit ..or stare too long at someone else’s pretty outfit. Experience tells me that it is more likely something I neglected to do than something I actually did ..an error of omission ..those are the worst kind ..but if there’s something I learned from my former marriage ..it’s how thoughtless I can be ..I remember all the times she would sit on the beach and fry while I was surfing .. her skin was so fair ..it wasn’t until she started building shelters out of material she found on the beach (which I thought was pretty resourceful) that it occurred to me to go out and buy a beach umbrella. Oh, I know what it is ...I didn’t take you to the Emmylou Harris concert ..no, that can’t be it ..you don’t know that I went to the concert ..besides, it was a last minute invitation from Joey ..I didn’t even know I was going until, like ..half an hour before the show. Now I’m panicking ..all kinds of thoughts are racing through my puny little brain ..what did I do ..did I buy wine from the wrong vineyard ..one that’s not eco-friendly ..do you think I’m stingy with my pot ..you know I have a habit of cleaning up after myself ..did I say something offensive ..like the story about Ryan’s romantic fiasco ..I was only trying to be amusing ..did you find out about the time I spent at Camarillo state ..I was working there ..damn you Brian ..I don’t go around telling other people where you and I know each other from. I start to wonder if I have become so displeasing that you’d rather watch a cooking show on TV than chat with me over the phone .. that’s OK, my phone calls won’t bother you anymore ..besides, you are much too sensitive ..and you take things way too personally ..then blow them totally out of proportion. Later on you call to say you’re sorry for sounding a bit down over the phone earlier ..but the humidity was bothering you and you didn’t want to sound bitchy.

Note: Camarillo state is a nearby psychiatric facility ..I was just kidding about that. Brian and I know each other from our former place of employment ..so it wasn't a big lie.

Island

There’s a dream I keep having where I’m running in slow motion ..and snakes are catching up with me ..I fall off a cliff and scream ..but no sound comes out ..I’m laying in a green field ..children stand around me and stare ..from a safe distance ..like I’m a wolf playing dead ..a little girl walks over and lays down a handful of freshly picked poppies .. I accept them and put my hands together in a gesture of gratitude ..a mynah bird lands on her shoulder ..saying “pay attention ..pay attention”..I ask who it’s speaking to ..me or her ..and she says: “Anybody who can hear ..they remind us to see what’s near.” I look around ..this is definitely paradise .. sparkling waves on the beach ..waterfalls coming out of the face of cliffs ..mists above the trees ..she asks me if I’m hungry ..I follow her into a cove ..along the edge of a lagoon ..jade green ..and into a village made of driftwood huts “pay attention ..pay attention” ..I see women pit-baking shell fish .. men spearfishing in pools “pay attention ..pay attention” A taller and darker version of the flower girl is standing at a door ..she is wearing a white Muslim shirt, diesel jeans and coral jewelry ..come in come in ..she says ..I gorge myself on baked salmon while the mother asks me if I’ve ever ridden a Harley Davidson ..she says she would like to get a Yamaha dirt bike ..and maybe a boat ..she shows me pictures in a Sears and Roebuck ‘spring and summer catalog’ from like 1962 ..wedgy shoes and wonder bras ..she says that the island just won a claim for royalties from oil drilling operations dating back to the sixties ..she wants to know where she can ‘trade’ them for these goods ..I tell her about a major university just up the coast with computers that anybody can use ..she should get an eBay account ..she tells me she wants an Apple computer with an IPod and .. “pay attention ..pay attention” I wake up in bed ..my alarm clock plays a tape of Jim Morrison saying “pay attention ..pay attention” ..from a poem that starts something like: “Is everybody in ..the ceremony is about to begin.”

Digression of sight

The images inside my head keep crowding out what’s in front of me ..I take my hands off the keyboard ..rub my eyes ..and watch as angels pass ..and neon bolts of lightening flash. They’re still there when I open my eyes ..blocking the computer screen ..well, I really wasn’t doing anything. I follow them down the street ..not stopping for cars or trees ..damned if they don't pass right through everything ..swirling as they go ..moving faster ..I grab hold ..everything becomes a blur ..the roadside turns into a stream ..my lungs burn ..things fly by before my brain has time to find the words ..

Hiking trail

I’m practicing meditation of the trail ..hiking along with my eyes to the ground ..watching the earth pass beneath my feet ..also sensing what’s in my periphery ..rocks and trees curve around me ..the stones on the trail feel loose and brittle ..I can hear them pinging ..better take my hand ..it feels like an avalanche ..the trail branches and becomes a riddle ..each destination invisible ..we get together and decide ..we arrive at a lake reflecting the surrounding mountainside ..emerald green ..suddenly flocks of wild geese take off –woooosh! We meet a man with a boat and float downstream like a leaf ..the circumstance of existence becoming more extraordinary with each passing instance.