egocentricity

I saw the movie ‘The Girl’ last night. It takes place on the border between the U.S. and Mexico in Texas. Reminded me of how egocentric I can be. So can Ashley ..the main character. She over-estimates her role in the death of Rosa’s mother then undertakes an enormous journey to reunite Rosa with her family in Oaxaca .. explaining to them how it was her irresponsible actions at the border that lead to the mother’s death. After hearing what happened .. Rosa’s grandmother disagrees and says: “No, it was the river that killed her.” That and the pursuit of her dream. She considers Ashley a saint for bringing her granddaughter home safely. This confounds Ashley who places herself at the center of events. Even her father tells her he’s not going to bail her out of this one. It wasn’t her fault though. Illegal border crossings are risky business. It was underway long before she got there.

Cultural para-stimuli

“Repeated exposure to ‘what’s cool’ in a community can actually lower tolerance for ‘what’s appropriate’ in the nervous system. Things that may otherwise be considered shocking ..like lewd public conduct or major sex offenses become acceptable” [ link ].

In Steubenville Ohio last August ..frenzy over high school football created an atmosphere where players felt free to commit rape .. while other teens felt free to tweet, text and video the event without compunction. Without fear of reprisal [ link ]. What made them do such a thing and feel they could get away with it ..? I think it was the effect of cultural para-stimuli.  Atavistic community values ..placing football above everything else ..gave players license to commit rape and made willing spectators out of the partygoers. Hey, but ain’t that America.

Mastery

I go outside, sit on the deck and wake up to coffee, juice and the paper. Now I’m reading about a Vegas performer named Melanie who can catch arrows shot at her head. My eyes widen. She can’t actually see the arrows coming ..but feels their arrival. I sit back, close my eyes ..and remember something my friend Jen once told me. We definitely have more than five senses. So I’m thinking Melanie must have a highly developed sense of ‘chronometry’ ..which Jen explained as the ability to perceive the time interval or ‘gap’ between events. The release and impact of an arrow. “If can catch an arrow in midair I feel capable of anything” Melanie says and I’m no longer thinking Vegas performer. Now I’m thinking martial arts expert.

Cultural para-stimuli

I’m looking for a better definition of the term ‘cultural para-stimuli’. I have only the vaguest idea that it’s some kind of mysterious force that transmits culture. I start out with the prefix ‘para’ ..which means to impart a subsidiary role to a word or agent. Paramedic for instance. Another meaning of ‘para’ is to impart an altered role to a word or agent. Parasail for instance. I think that’s the one I’m looking for. Para-stimuli are stimuli that go beyond the action of a stimulus on the nervous system. Usually it’s an alteration that results from repeated exposure. For example, ‘sugar’ produces an immediate sensation of sweet that becomes sickening after repeated exposure. Put it together and what it says is that ‘cultural para-stimuli’ are stimuli resulting from social observations that produce alterations in the nervous system that go beyond their immediate reaction. Why do need a better definition of this ..? Perhaps because of what it says about the fashion industry and why we so often choose style over substance. Perhaps because of what it says about my choice of partners. I don’t know. What I do know is what neuroscientists tell me. Repeated exposure to ‘what’s cool’ in a peer group lowers tolerance for ‘what’s appropriate’ in the amygdala. I know the word ‘amygdala’ sounds foreign ..like something from outer space. It refers to a part of the brain that sets thresholds for impulses ..or ‘impulse-control’. Without an amygdala, animals veer helplessly from one inappropriate feeling or action to another. Boredom where there should be fear .. sexual arousal where there is no provocation. What they’ve seen is that animals with an intact amygdala respond just like animals without an amygdala merely by observing or being in the same vicinity. It may be due to sight, sound, smell, whatever ..but exposure to one group serves as cultural para-stimuli to the other group. Repeated exposure to ‘what’s cool’ can actually lower discrimination for things that may otherwise be considered shocking. I’m thinking of things like lewd conduct in public that could be considered something along the lines of a ‘sex offense’. Something that could easily be done at considerably less risk in the privacy of one’s own home. Another thing that comes to mind is ‘mob mentality’ ..the predatory behavior I sometimes see at soccer matches or in crowds celebrating the Rose Parade in California. Makes ‘cultural para-stimuli’ sound like ‘zona rosa’ for communal decadence, which, I don’t know ..may say a little something about my own behavior at rock festivals.

Expectation

The journal Nature reports that expectation of a sensory event can increase the speed and accuracy we perceive it [ link ]. “Animals are not passive spectators of the sensory world in which they live. In natural conditions they often sense objects on the bases of expectations initiated by predictive cues. Expectation profoundly modulates neural activity by altering the background state of cortical networks and modulating sensory processing” [ link ].

Expectations alter perception ..I know this from my own practice. Expectations amplify and channel speech perception. Listeners have to take a moment to adjust when speakers say something that defies expectation. This study shows that the same holds true for taste. In one sense experiences arrive one by one, always fresh and new, but over time they become familiar re-enactments of prior experience. For instance I like yogurt for breakfast ..so I say it’s good and look forward to it when I get up in the morning. Good is a property I supply as something I experienced so long ago I don’t remember. It’s no longer fresh and new but an experience that my expectations enhance.

Resurrection of Eve

She met him during her senior year in drama club. Roger was a recent graduate of theater arts from UCLA. He'd been asked to help them put on a production of ‘The Mikado’. I remember her going around singing: “You are the reason I've been waiting all these years” She was a fine soprano but a future Hollywood starlet ..probably not. She wouldn't stop talking about him like he was some kinda' golden boy and I could tell she was way beyond being just into him. He lived in the in-law quarters of a Malibu estate where he worked as a caretaker. She joined him after graduation and they spend what she describes as the most blissful summer of her life together. In September he left to take a position with a theater company in New York. Devastation ensued. At college, she was like a zombie. I don't know why she couldn't go with him but I figured maybe she didn't feel like it was her destiny or something (!?) I suppose I really didn't give it much thought. I ran into her in town a little while ago. There still seemed to be a lingering fog but I could sense some clearing. Then there was a breakthrough. It went something like this:

 

“I couldn’t get beyond the idea that I’d been abandoned by Roger.”
“In my mind I was like the victim because I wasn’t able to get him to stay.”
“I seriously believed I was the best I could be with him - I was nothing without him.”
“When he left, I felt like a failure ..like I wasn’t good enough ..he wanted someone better.”
“I realize now that he wanted to better himself.”
“Now I’m like, what the fuck …who’s to say I didn’t abandoned him?”
“I got a lot of things wrong back then.”

 

So did I, I told her ..I still don’t get it right.

Sensory integration

This garden universe vibrates complete. Some we get a sound so sweet. Vibrations reach on up to become light, and then thru gamma, out of sight. Between the eyes and ears there lay, the sounds of color and the light of a sigh   [ cont.. ]

Immateriality

“Each person is capable of perceiving infinitely more. The universe is funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system ..what comes out at the other end is a measly trickle.”

From ‘The Doors of Perception’ by Aldous Huxley

Only 20% of available ‘matter’ - at home or in the universe - is observable by the senses. This includes the composition of our bodies as well as all it’s surroundings. The remaining 80% is not even visible using the most sophisticated instruments of science. It’s a mystery supplied by indirection and the divinity of inference. What does this mean ..? Ordinary reality represents only a fraction of the energy that exists in the universe. The forces at work in my life are largely invisible. Perhaps the limits to what I can see are not so much physical as they are mental, like Huxley said.

Synthesizing minds

At a graduate seminar many years ago, a fellow student named David Stoltenberg proposed a theory that said that the simple act of reading is a “cross-sensory” event in the brain ..he even had a name for it ..“sensory synesthesia” ..which he described as “perceiving the sound of a color ..or the light of a sigh.” He was giving a multi-media presentation to demonstrate this idea ..but it didn’t turn out the way he planned ..the projectors malfunctioned ..the main point got lost ..and what I was able to get out of it left me feeling unconvinced ..it sounded too much like science fiction. When I think back, I realize I owe Dave a big apology ..and a pound of red Lebanese ..he was right ..you have to be able to “hear” what you “see” in order “understand” what you “read”.

Research now shows that synesthesia, far from being a “fringe” phenomenon, can actually enhance cognitive function in addition to being part of the reading process. Many notable artists, poets and novelist are thought to have this ability. The condition occurs from increased communication between sensory areas of the brain [link]. It probably lies on a spectrum of the way we normally perceive and experience the world. In other words, we all have it ..just some more than others [link].

Beauty of uncertainty

based on a study showing what happens when we discount the surprise value of unexpected events ~> [link]

Soundcheck

I went to the dentist yesterday. This morning my soundscape seems different. More amplified. The people next-door sound like they’re shouting at each other over coffee on the patio outside. The volume of their chatter makes it seem like my boundaries are contracting, which in turn makes my music sound louder and more obnoxious. I turn it down to half it’s usual volume but it still sounds too loud, making me wonder why they haven’t complained before (or perhaps they have and I couldn t hear them). The telephone ringing sounds like a train roaring through the room. This afternoon, the bell inside the meditation hall goes off like gunfire scaring the daylights out of me. Now I’ve had enough. I call the dentist to see if got a soundcheck with my teeth cleaning. He acts as though I’m asking a strange question. Does that sound like a strange question ..?

Cosmic zone

Dawn is breaking on the continent of Capella. Overhead, the star of Davriel is still visible in a purplish blue sky. A meteorite trail flashes by. Sallareä bows her head in homage to all she does not know. She’s unaware that, momentarily, what she does not know will be paying homage back. Flickering particles of crystal enter a sector of Sallareä’s narrative-space. Passing through the prism of her senses, an apparition emerges. Sallareä sees a constellation of linked images that, to her, resembles a mandala. It has a message. Whoever this presence may be is telling her that everything is OK and would like to know if they can join her narrative-space and play.

Social perception

I have a theory. An awful lot of what we find ‘attractive’ is determined by what we see our peers paying attention to while we’re growing up. I mean during the formative years of 13 to 29. Experts in human development call this a ‘cohort group’. So, to express my theory another way: Our social perception is determined by the cohort group we belong to. For example, the cohort group that came of age after World War II (during the fifties) had greater respect for people in authority and admired commanding-looking leaders. They elected a war hero for president. Larger-than-life actors like Sophia Loren and John Wayne captured their imagination. They also valued conformity. That’s why affluent-looking crooners like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin sold millions of records. However, the cohort group that came of age during the Vietnam War (the sixties and seventies) had lost respect for heroes and people in authority. Their attention turned more toward realistic-looking actors like Mia Farrow and Jack Nicholson ..as well as less affluent-looking musicians like Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones (although they’re certainly affluent now). I hear evidence of this almost everyday. People of my father’s generation tell me they don’t find present-day actresses as appealing as the bombshells of the fifties. They say things like: “Hollywood just doesn’t make ‘em the way they used to” and point to reasons like “Today actresses suffer from mediocrity and over-exposure.” However, from the perspective of someone in my cohort ..that’s exactly what makes them appealing. What they call over-exposure ..I call peer-attention. And what they interpret as mediocre ..I see as realistic. That’s why I find actresses today equally, if not more attractive than actresses of the past. But hey, don’t take my word for it ..the film industry banks on it. The target group for moviemakers used to be people between the ages of 13 and 25. Not anymore. It is now people in their forties. They are less likely to stay at home playing X-box ..and they prefer watching movies with actors from their own generation. That’s why now, more than ever .. the screen-life of an actress lasts well into their forties and fifties. Look at the successful careers of Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore. Which brings me back to my theory ..greater realism equals greater appeal to moviegoers of my generation. Either that or I could say: “Hey, Hollywood must not have built ‘em to last in the fifties.” Or some such bull shyte.

Territorial dispute

My neighbors across the creek have finally defeated Aaron’s efforts to live in the house that he built. It’s a beautiful Spanish-style residence that sits perched on the canyon just back from the creek. It has masonry-white walls, red tile roof, hardwood floors ..and no electricity. My neighbor Susan has kept him in court fighting for an electrical easement for so long now that he can’t afford to live there anymore. I like Aaron and I think it’s sad, really. At first I thought it was a case of extortion ..offering him easement rights in exchange for money or his first-born. I went on a long screed about this in a journal entry last year [link], if anyone’s interested.

Anyway, I have a new theory. I think it’s a tragic case of misperception. I believe it’s what happens when a strong-willed, powerfully-focused neighbor tries to negotiate a property agreement with a contractor who suffers a profound attention deficit. Aaron, the contractor, can’t stay on topic long enough to reach an agreement ..any kind of agreement. Susan gets frustrated and believes he’s taking her for a ride. I’ve actually heard her say things like “He talks in circles, purposely avoiding the issue, saying one thing then another .. he’s been bull-shitting me for so long, I don’t believe a word he says anymore.” Aaron, on the other hand, throws up his hands and tells me he has no idea what she wants. Susan says all she wants him to do is repair a shared driveway if he’s going to have to dig a trench through it in order to reach an underground utility. I don’t think Aaron can track what she’s saying long enough to grasp this. He can’t figure out whether she wants him to re-model her house ..re-surface the street ..scrap the project ..or leave a duffel bag filled with hundreds of thousand of dollars in an airport locker. He complains that she’s got him in a Catch-22. “She won’t let me go underground and she won’t let me go overhead” he says. “There used to be a pole on her property with wires leading to my property, but she conspired with the city and California Edison to have them removed so she could put me in the situation I’m in right now where she’s calling all the shots. I think she’s a sick greedy control-freak..! Don’t you ..?” I don’t know about that ..but I do know my head starts to spin whenever I try talking to Aaron about anything specific. I try asking him how long the trench would have to be ..and he tells me how long he’s been living in Santa Barbara (he’s fourth generation). I ask him to show me where the underground hook-up is so I can see for myself ..and he points to where the pole used to be and tells me he’s been robbed.

Age of Inception

From the moment “Inception” was released, polls have shown that it’s appeal is split along generational lines. Many “older” moviegoers hate the film while younger people have nothing but good things to say about it. According to Henry Jenkins, a professor of cinema at USC, this has everything to do with video game experience. He says “Inception is first and foremost a movie about worlds and levels, which is very much the way video games are structured.” While I agree that gaming experience may be a factor, I’d say a bigger reason is that members of prior generations don’t understand, or accept the film’s premise. As DiCaprio’s character describes it, conscious experience is not a literal transcript of the world, but an ongoing process of virtual construction by the mind. Although this premise has scientific merit, it is not widely known or embraced by the majority of tradition-bound Americans.

Dr Jenkins’ reply ~>[link]

my suspicion

(warning: movie-spoiler for the film ‘Shutter Island’)

Rick commented to me, saying “..it’s easy to tell who the mental lightweight is” when referring to someone who ‘saw the movie’ vs. someone who also ‘read the book’. We were talking about ‘Slaughterhouse five’. I disagreed saying that watching a good movie is just as stimulating as reading a good book. Both require equal amounts of mental activity in order to make sense of the story. I even think people are more critical movie-watchers than book-readers. While watching movies, I find myself supplying information that the moviemakers leave out, in order to bridge scenes and re-construct narrative. What doesn’t fit or isn’t resolved to my satisfaction by the end of a movie ..I recognize as speculation and throw it out. If it’s critical to understanding the story ..I blame the moviemakers for leaving it out ..and have fun trashing the film with friends afterward. Not so much with books. I know when I’m talking to somebody about a book I’ve read, and they have a different interpretation ..it’s much harder to convince me that mine is wrong ..no matter how delusional I may be. We were also talking about the movie ‘Shutter Island’. The ending lends itself to competing interpretations. The main character, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, could either be a policeman investigating a crime at a psychiatric hospital ..or a patient confined to the psychiatric hospital. I choose to believe he was a policeman only because the film showed him arriving on the island by boat. I also knew it required an awfully elaborate conspiracy theory, on my part, to support it. Rick thought he was a patient. When I asked why ..he described how events, which lead me to think he was a policeman, were actually simulated by doctors to bring him back to reality. It was easy for me to discard my elaborate theory in favor of his much simpler explanation. When I mentioned this to someone else, they confirmed that it was that way in the book as well. I still don’t know who the lightweight is ..but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s me.

Progression

“The natural progression
Is the coming of your age
But they cover it with shame
And turn it into rage.”

To the generation that came of age in the 1950’s, the term ‘progressive’ meant ‘socialism’. That’s because the socialist party in the 40’s and 50’s called itself the ‘progressive party’. I did not know that, which probably says something about my knowledge of history. To the generation that came of age in the 1970’s and 80’s (my generation) ..the term ‘progressive’ meant just what the dictionary says: a keen interest in new developments and fresh ideas ..with all the positive connotations I thought that implied. Since advances in science and technology were progressing at lightening speed, I thought being progressive was a healthy mental outlook. In college, I chose a field of study that allowed me to take courses in psychology, neuroscience and information science. I thought that showed signs of being forward-thinking and progressive. It wasn’t until later, when I joined a political discussion group, that I learned it was also what made me a ‘liberal’, and sometimes even a ‘socialist’, to the people of my father’s generation. I have no such political convictions. I like to consider myself an independent thinker who doesn’t lend himself to labels of a bygone era.

Unstuck

I measure time by the distance between significant events in memory. I’m not talking about the day Kennedy was shot or anything. For me, relationships are the best milestones of time-travel ..especially the endings. If I can locate an event between two meaningful relationships, I get a sense of time passing. When I was a younger dood, events in life were relatively new, so they had greater significance ..like my first high ..my first lay ..my first meaningful relationship and first tragic ending. I could feel myself moving through time. Not anymore. Now I think of events that occurred before my marriage, and those that occurred after. Since many don’t measure up, I discount them and they dissolve ..leaving me without anything to hang on to. I feel like Billy Pilgrim who became unstuck in time. Prior episodes blend together and occasionally replay as though they just happened, or worse, as though they’re happening now. I’m having lunch with friends the other day when a prior visit to Laguna Beach pops into my head. Suddenly the table disappears and I’m plunging into the water. “Where’s Bill ..?” “Oh, he’s time-tripping again.” Now I’m traveling back to the time when I first heard that term used.

Toon town

Lately it seems like I’m living in a cartoon. I used to get this way on occasion, usually after sharing a spliff with my neighbor, but now it’s more like everyday ..spliff or no spliff. I watch Señor Jim walking home. He looks like a two-story dinosaur. He lives in a tudor-style house that looks like its made out of gingerbread. He just finished chatting with Dr Jones who, as the name implies .. looks like Indiana Jones. I’ve even started greeting him that way, imitating the low booming voice of his adversary Dr. Belloq in the movie. Fortunately he gets a kick out of it. Dr Jones is a vigilante. He patrols the neighborhood on a bicycle .. or sometimes on a stakeout with night-vision goggles and automatic weapon. He’s trying to keep Orange County developers below the LA County line. Unfortunately he sometimes blows the head off an innocent neighbor adding a deck. Today, however, it’s infiltrators from within that have got him on-edge. This could be anyone from high school students to dirt-bike riders. Apparently some guy named Sperling is bank rolling the operation. Dr Jones is not short on conspiracy theories.

I continue on a path leading to the County Bowl. ..stopping along the way to chat with Marleña through the window of a house that looks like something out of hobbit-land. She tells me Sugarland tickets go on sale tomorrow .. people are already camping out around the Bowl. David and Julianne appear out of nowhere ..dressed in saffron threads and ugg boots. Looking like a swami and goddess. I put my hands together in gassho. They say they walked down the steps of the Bowl ..but now they are looking for a trail to climb back up. The terrain looks kind of steep and overgrown to me ..so I offer to drive them back. Not a problem, David says ..and I hear Julianne go “here it is” ..and they vanish. I turn to ask Marleña if she saw anything remarkable about that ..but she’s disappeared too.

NYC

Usually when someone tells me what they expect to see in a place they’ve never been before ..I think it says more about the place where they’re coming from. Like, what else do they have to go by. But, more often it's like, what a stupid generalization I go by. Joey is a screenwriter from NYC who I met last night at the baths. When I asked what surprised him most about California, Hollywood in particular, he said he expected sharper teeth. Not sure what he meant, I asked him to tell me more. He goes “I expected sharper teeth because Hollywood always seemed like such a far-away fairytale place ..sitting inside of a fort ..surrounded by a moat ..guarded by sharks.” I laughed my ass off. What an illustrative mind ..! Not much about NYC there, expect, perhaps, the part about the sharks. But then again, that’s another stupid overgeneralization of mine ..it comes from watching too many TV shows..