Grace left and I thought I was losing my mind.. I couldn’t sleep unless I passed-out on the balcony after several bottles of Chardonnay. Sitting in the house was torture, so I walked in circles around town. Some days I’d walk down 2nd street to the Bay ..where I’d visit Claudia, who was deaf ..but a good listener. Other days I’d head up to Broadway and Cherry, and sit in Benny’s costume jewelry shop just to listen to him talk. I even read his complete college dissertation on ‘Myrna Loy’. Then there was 4th street to Orizaba ..where I’d visit the funky art stores and antique mart. Behind them were like miles of alleyways with garages loaded with antiques. They’d take me walking out back, opening one door after another ..and we never reached the end. Then I’d duck into Phil Yeh’s hand-drawn comic book shop, where I’d sit and read for hours. He didn’t seem to mind and I found it comforting there ..I don’t know why. Sometimes I’d duck into the Art theater, have popcorn for dinner and watch a movie. Saw a string of French films I’ll never forget: ‘Betty Blue’ ‘Vagabond’ and ‘Return of Martin Guerre’. Often I’d head up Broadway to Orizaba ..where I’d visit Dr. Russell, who could immediately detect pain. He explained to me how pain sends messages to the brain telling it to flee possible injury, and energizes you for flight. He helped me understand that I was not losing my mind. So, I kept walking in giant circles around town all day .. for months.
4 comments:
Sounds like LOVE,
But who knows, what I really like about this is the way you bring me back there, the names of the streets, and places.
Thank you Bill, I wish you well.
It's interesting what we do in order to actually stay sane... as opposed to actually going insane. I remember involuntary things happening, that I seemed to have no control over... it was a strange time and I was shocked at how out of control my emotions had become, with no voluntary participation on my part, and seemingly no way to control those things that became out of control. It's a helpless feeling... and then one day it was like somebody flipped a switch and it was all over, the out of control junk. That was when my children's father and I broke up for the last time. Now, when my Tim died... well, that was a whole 'nother ball game and it took on a different set of mechanisms... that took ... well... longer. I totally empathize with folks who come into the mental health facility, where I work, because I've been there... and it's so much easier to understand someone else's pain when you've been there, done that. Sometimes we become trapped/stuck and it just takes time... you were fantastic in the way you worked it out, finding ways to occupy the mind. My son and his girl recently split up and I told him to work out! work out! work out! (he loves the gym, anyways)... and he's spending lots of time with friends. Thanks for sharing your story.
brought me back there too ..
thanks ecelliam
"it's so much easier to understand someone else's pain when you've been there .."
sounds like we've all been there ..
Thanks Shimmerrings
Post a Comment